“Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” are the words from the Lord’s Prayer or the Our Father which we pray on many occasions. We pray the Lord’s Prayer during Mass, when we pray the rosary, during a wedding, funeral or even a baptism service, and during many other liturgical services. But some of us do not seem to understand or appreciate what it really means to forgive and to receive forgiveness. Some of us say we forgive, but in our hearts we are still keeping the hurt or anger and allowing such hurt and anger to fester in us, to consume us, and lead us to even greater bitterness and hatred.
But what exactly does it mean to forgive? To forgive means we are making a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well. If we receive forgiveness from God, we must give it to others who hurt us. When we forgive, we cannot hold grudges or seek revenge. We are to trust God for justice and forgive the person who offended us. That does not mean we must forget the offense, since sometimes that is beyond our power, but we should not linger in the memory of the offense or allow the thought about the offense to consume us and continue to hurt or destroy us. Forgiveness means releasing the other from blame, leaving the event in God’s hands, and moving on.
This is where the unforgiving servant in today’s Gospel did not get the point. He thought that he had been given a lucky break when his master felt so sorry for him that he let him go and cancelled the debt. Instead of being grateful and thankful for his master’s generosity, charity and benevolence, and instead of following his master’s example towards his fellow servant, he became arrogant and nasty, refusing to forgive the other servant who owed him way much less than what he owed his master, and even had the gall to throw his fellow servant into prison till he should pay his debt. This caused his master to become furious and as the Gospel tells us: “”You wicked servant,” he said “I cancelled all that debt of yours when you appealed to me. Were you not bound, then, to have pity on your fellow servant just as I had pity on you?” And in his anger the master handed him over to the torturers till he should pay all his debt.”
What about us? Are we still like that wicked and unforgiving servant, expecting God and others to forgive us, but refusing to forgive others? Do we treat forgiveness lightly or as a lucky break, and think that we can do as we please towards others? As the Gospel also reminds and cautions us, we will be responsible and liable to repay our debts if we refuse to forgive others: “And that is how my heavenly Father will deal with you unless you each forgive your brother from your heart.”