Category Archives: Ordinary Time

What does it mean to be married? Is marriage merely an event for show or for display, such as what we see in some of the reality shows appearing on television these days, which treats marriage as a form of entertainment? Some people may say that they have a right to get married, so long as they are at the right legal age, and they love each other. No matter what others say, no matter what the church may say, they insist that they have a right to marry. While the church recognises that individuals have a right to marry, the church also requires that those planning to marry be properly informed about what marriage is all about, in other words, what such individuals are getting themselves into.

Why is the church so fussy about preparing couples for marriage? What is the big deal, some may ask. Is the church behaving like a Big Brother, trying to control our lives, even when it comes to marriage? No. The church is not like that. It is precisely because we have seen many marriages fail, sometimes so quickly and at an alarming rate, that it is a great cause of concern. When affected couples were asked what had happened and what went wrong, it is quite often the same story: they were actually not ready for marriage, even though they had initially thought they were; they had not known each other long enough or well enough; they had not truly and clearly understood what commitment in marriage is all about; they were more concerned about their own needs and issues; and a significant number of affected couples realised that God was not present in their minds when they decided to get married. When you marry without being ready in all sense of the word, you are merely brewing a recipe for disaster, leading to another statistic for marriages gone bust.

The readings today gives us some understanding of what marriage is all about. We must realise that marriage is not a human institution but a divine institution. It is a vocation. Very often, God is forgotten in all the hustle and bustle of making preparations for marriage. Couples are more concerned with so many other things, that God and the church seems to have become a necessary inconvenience. Some couples feel as if they are being forced or pressured by their parents to marry in church. But what they forget is that it is God who makes marriages possible and lasting. If God is absent from our lives, it would really be very difficult to make the marriage work. Also, a marriage calls for couples to experience a conversion in their lives. Conversion must take place because, as Jesus reminds us in today’s Gospel: “the two must become one body.” Conversion must take place for couples to die to their selfishness and learn to live together as one. That is why the preparation is so important. Some people try to find ways and means to take short cuts during the preparation, but what they fail to realise is that Rome was not built in a day. If you want to graduate with a degree, you work hard for it and you pursue it relentlessly. Likewise, if you want to stay married, you must also be properly prepared and work hard for it. Moreover, marriage is about commitment. Love is all about commitment, and never about feelings and emotions. Commitment means accepting the whole package as is, “for better or for worse,” and not just pick and chooose the parts we like. Commitment means learning to forgive not once but again and again, and is more concerned with giving than with taking and receiving. Commitment calls us to change ourselves throughout our lives.

Today, marriages are in trouble. Couples are behaving more and more individualistic. The togetherness and oneness seems to have become lost in translation. Divorces have become so rampant. I recall being present for a hearing for divorce cases at a family court some time back, and on that one day, more than fifty cases were being heard, and each case was disposed like products moving along a conveyor belt. Can you imagine that? What has marriage become? Have some couples become so selfish and self-centred, that people are seen as objects to be used, and when they are no longer seen as useful, they are then discarded? This is why I pray that couples will take responsibility and initiative for their marriage to remain strong. Remember that your children learn from you, and your children too may someday follow in your footsteps. If your marriage is messed up, do something about it and seek help where necessary, don’t play play with your marriage, don’t wait until it is too late. Let us pray that God would continue to bring healing into our lives so that our lives would be filled with selfless love instead of selfishness.

Each and every one of us has got a certain role and purpose as a church. No matter how small, medium or big the role and purpose is, it is necessary and needed. Some of us may feel as if what we are doing in church may seem insignificant or nothing to shout about, but what we often forget is that everything that we do as a church has got a reason, a purpose. The church is the Body of Christ and we could look at the church in reference to the human body. The human body, as we know, has got different parts, and each part has got its own purpose and function. Hands are used for writing, lifting, holding and carrying. Feet are meant for walking. Our eyes are meant for seeing and our ears are meant for hearing. Each part cannot take over the function and role of the other, since each part has been designed specifically for a particular role and function.

The problem that some of us may be facing is when we allow pride, ego, and especially jealousy, to take control of us. When we allow jealousy to rear its ugly head, we become indifferent and blind to the importance and roles of others. We begin to think that whatever we do is the most important, or that we are the greatest, and that our role is indispensable. When others seem to be doing the same thing as we are doing, we begin to feel irritated, threatened and insecure, and we begin to find ways and means to put down or even destroy others so that only our skills and abilities are accepted and recognised. We allow Christ’s mission to be disrupted, when we allow competition to fester in the life of the church.

In the first reading and in the Gospel, we can clearly see how jealousy can cloud our minds, our eyes and our hearts, causing us to lose track of who we are and what is our role and purpose. In the first reading, some of the elders appointed by Moses and who had received the spirit from him felt threatened by others who had not gone through the same selection and yet somehow had received the spirit. What they failed to realise is that God freely gives His spirit to anyone He chooses. Nobody can claim to have a monopoly or control over God, or His Spirit, or Truth. God gives Himself to all. The disciples of Christ in the Gospel also had the same problem. They felt threatened by another man who was able to cast out devils and saw him as a competitor. However, Jesus saw him differently and recognised the gift of the Spirit in this man. This led Jesus to make an important observation: “…no one who works a miracle in my name is likely to speak evil of me. Anyone who is not against us is for us.”

So what does this all mean? It means that we must remember that we are all part of Christ’s Body, and each and every one of us are necessary and important. We must not see each other as competitors. Instead, we must encourage the gifts, talents and contributions of others, since all of us have one common mission, that is to build God’s Kingdom and not our own kingdom. After all, what and who are we trying to ultimately prove? Thus, if we have been jealous of others in the community, if we have been an obstacle to others, or if we have failed to give encouragement, then we must make effort to change, and not expect others to change to suit us. This is what Jesus was trying to tell us in the Gospel when he said: “if your hand, foot or eye should cause you to sin, cut it off.” Let us stop all this nonsense and ridiculous waste of time and energy in blaming others and start taking responsibility for our actions and for the problems we have brought to our church community. May we learn to focus more on doing God’s will and giving Him the glory, instead of trying to gain glory and gratification for ourselves.